Progression

I know nobody will ever read this in all its entirety. Maybe a couple souls will stumble upon bits and pieces of it but I not a single person will ever know everything I went though. And honestly, I think I prefer it. Trying to put the last several years into words is the hardest thing to do because there isn't a single word I could write or sentence I can put together that will ever convey the depths of pain and the heights of joy that I experienced. Just reading one of this "chapters" would be enough to show anyone that I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm not in any way a writer. I just have a story that I need to tell for my own sake. It needs to be out there so that it will no longer be in me.

Progression

It was nightly video chatting, then nightly video chatting and daily phone calls, then nightly video chatting, daily phone calls, and constant text messaging. Then we hit a sort of plateau. We were both anxious for more. More contact. More real. So then we decided that we had to meet in person. The perfect idea sprang into my head.

A week later I told my parents that I had won a radio contest and got free tickets to a concert. I assured them that I wasn't going alone and that I would take my new friend "Madeline" with me since she was such a huge fan of the band.

They were so trusting. It hurt me to see them look so happy for me as I told them all the lies. Mom and dad, never in a million years would they have guessed the truth.

I must have spend three hours, at least, making myself look better, hotter, older.

Luckily it was already dark outside when it was time for "Madeline" to come pick me up, so my parents wouldn't be able to look outside and see who was driving the black Corolla sitting in the driveway.

Sitting on my bed, I heard a honk come from the driveway. Take deep breaths. Relax. This night will be amazing and everything will be fine. I stood up and went outside. The passenger door was unlocked so I opened it and sat down, putting on my seat belt and adjusting myself and my seat. I took another deep breath.

Hello.

compose yourself.

I looked up and smiled, still unable to process everything that was happening. And to make things worse, he looked amazing.

Suddenly a fear seized me. What if it was horribly awkward and we had nothing to talk about and this was just a train wreck? Oh God.

One of his many talents is avoiding the awkward and always having a good time. This can be a negative and a positive. But in this situation it was a god send.

After about an hour we were at the venue. We were running late and the show had already started. Grabbing my hand, he ran to get to our seats.

Front. Fucking. Row.

I'd never in the front row for anything in my entire life. It was amazing. Not only can you see the band, but they can see you.

I was having the most wonderful night of my life with a fantastic guy. Everything was perfect.

I was so exhausted that I fell asleep on the ride back to my house. He shook my arm gently to wake me up once we were there.

"Thanks for tonight" he said smiling.

"No, thank you. This was the best night of my life!" I whispered, sitting up.

He leaned in. I think he wants a kiss. Oh sweet jesus.

"Good night" I said quickly, getting out of the car and going into my house. As soon as I closed the front door behind me, I leaned against it and sank to the floor.

What just happened? What the fuck is wrong with me? Fuck.

I looked up to see the headlights flash across the wall as he pulled out of the drive way and drive away.

Fuck.

Okay, that's all I can write for today.

- Sabrina

Fuck it.

I'm going to finish telling my story. I won't get through it in one post but i'm dedicated to getting this off my chest. It's been on my shoulders alone for the past six and a half years and I'm finally to a point where I realize how important it is for me to get this out there before I can move on. I put a reminder on my phone that will go off on ce a week to remind me to add a good chapter more to the story.

so this is how it happened. From the beggining.

Sitting in my bedroom, I was listening to a CD my friend Stacia had given me. So nobody band, but I liked there stuff. It was probably the tenth time I had listened to it that day when I decided to check out their myspace page [author's note: yes, myspace, that's how long ago this happened]. The page said someone from the band was currently online so I submitted some comment about how much I liked their music and how I would love to maybe see them in concert some time, but I wasn't really expecting an answer. I was probably on a different web page several minutes later when I got a message back. The lead singer how written a reply and had asked me how I had heard of them. I replied that my friend had heard of them in connection with one of her favorite bands. He asked what kind of music I listened to. We kept up this back and forth for almost four hours when he asked if we could chat via webcam. Rushing to go make myself look presentable, I came back and said that I would. It was really awkward at first but after the first fifteen minutes the conversation finally began to have a smooth flow. Then he asked the big question: "how old are you?"

I panicked and lied, "17, almost 18." I had only recently turned 15.

"You look awfully young to almost be 18"

"how old are you?"

"23"

It was silent for a moment.

"So what do you for fun in southern California?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

The conversation went back to normal.

The video chat went on for another half hour until I was exhausted and had to head to bed.

"well goodnight, James"

"hey, can we video chat tomorrow night?" he asked, looking down.

"um, sure" I said, not really sure if I should.

He brightened. "cool, goodnight."

And that's how it all started to go wrong.

We video chatted the next night, and the next, and the next...

I have to go to french class now. But I think I've given the best introduction that I could. Yes, I was only 15 and the time and he was actually 27. He lied too. My story isn't for the faint of heart. I am telling you ahead of time that if you cannot handle the age gap, you should not continue to read my story as I lay it out. But it ends well for both parties. James (all names have been changed for the sake of privacy) is off somewhere enjoying life and I'm currently pursuing my college education, majoring in economics and minoring in business. I know I just ruined how it ends, but I highly suggest you continue reading. It'll be worth it.

As always, please give feedback :)

Au revoir

- Sabrina