I decided that there is no better way to get a certain boy out of my head then to go out and try new things.
Being the naturally un-school-spirited person that i am, i've never been to a single choir show before, until tonight. Giving me an excuse to stop moping in my bed, i reluctantly agreed to go. I feel bad about it now, but i was so prepared for a night of horrible noise since its just a high school choir, but I was pleasantly surprised at how amazingly talented my school's choir is. They performed dozens of broadway songs and truly did them justice. I congratulated my friend afterwards and learned that the girl that i thought was her during the entire show turned out not to be her...
Everyone around me is getting sick. I'm doomed to get sick. i've been feeling the sickness start to creep up on me the past two days. dang.
My fingers are starting to get tired.
good night.
-sabrina
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
It's shattered...
I can't pretend that i didn't see it coming, but i finally know that the guy i've been utterly in love with for a long time has his eye on a girl that isn't me. I spent so many hours trying to get myself to stop that silly fantasy, but part of me wouldn't let go. But now i have the proof to prove that he isn't interested in me. I underestimated how much it would hurt. It's almost funny that he broke my heart but won't ever know it.
I'm not ready to move on, but i have no choice. There are many reaponsibilities resting on my shoulders and i can't disappoint others just because of him. I gotta take a breath in, let it out now, put you're chin up tiger cuz you're a man now... I think Travis McCoy is the only one who understands...
Boy issues, friend issues, parent issues, and school issues. wow. I can't handle this, but i can't ask for help cuz i don't deserve it.
I'm fucked.
Good night.
-Sabrina
I'm not ready to move on, but i have no choice. There are many reaponsibilities resting on my shoulders and i can't disappoint others just because of him. I gotta take a breath in, let it out now, put you're chin up tiger cuz you're a man now... I think Travis McCoy is the only one who understands...
Boy issues, friend issues, parent issues, and school issues. wow. I can't handle this, but i can't ask for help cuz i don't deserve it.
I'm fucked.
Good night.
-Sabrina
It's shattered...
I can't pretend that i didn't see it coming, but i finally know that the guy i've been utterly in love with for a long time has his eye on a girl that isn't me. I spent so many hours trying to get myself to stop that silly fantasy, but part of me wouldn't let go. But now i have the proof to prove that he isn't interested in me. I underestimated how much it would hurt. It's almost funny that he broke my heart but won't ever know it.
I'm not ready to move on, but i have no choice. There are many reaponsibilities resting on my shoulders and i can't disappoint others just because of him. I gotta take a breath in, let it out now, put you're chin up tiger cuz you're a man now... I think Travis McCoy is the only one who understands...
Boy issues, friend issues, parent issues, and school issues. wow. I can't handle this, but i can't ask for help cuz i don't deserve it.
I'm fucked.
Good night.
-Sabrina
I'm not ready to move on, but i have no choice. There are many reaponsibilities resting on my shoulders and i can't disappoint others just because of him. I gotta take a breath in, let it out now, put you're chin up tiger cuz you're a man now... I think Travis McCoy is the only one who understands...
Boy issues, friend issues, parent issues, and school issues. wow. I can't handle this, but i can't ask for help cuz i don't deserve it.
I'm fucked.
Good night.
-Sabrina
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sorry...
I haven’t posted in a good long while, mainly because life has become so very hectic. Actually, that a fairly blatant lie because I’ve had tons of free time, I’m just so ridiculously lazy. I just started getting an insane hand cramp so this entry is going to be short.
I’m in love. He knows I exist, but nothing has yet to happen. I got a class with him this year, but we don’t sit near each other, except for a stupid game we sometimes play, but I got voted off the game so I will no longer be sitting by him. We’re so similar, that it’s a tad freaky. He likes some girl, but I don’t have a clue about who it is, and I know it isn’t me. For a while I was able to give myself the confidence boost of believing that maybe it was be, but I can’t keep fooling myself. He’s cute, smart, funny, and chill, he could have ANY girl, so he wouldn’t settle for the ugly socially awkward creeper…
I hadn’t had any bad bouts of depression lately, but it hit me today like a ton of bricks. I thought that it might have something to do with the weather, but then I remembered that I love this dark rainy weather. I just wrote this poem today after school:
I think that’s the best way to describe my current view on my depression. It’s hard to explain but I think it comes across fairly well though that context.
Things are different. My sister has gone away to college. I’ve taken big steps in my relationship with God, as in joining Christian club and attending youth church on Tuesday nights. It’s weird having the apartment to myself more often. I usually nap, text, or do homework, but it’s still weird. I’ve visited my sister once since she went to college, apparently she joined an ultimate Frisbee team… She seems so happy but I miss her like crazy. I do text almost everyday thought, but it’s just not the same as having her home. I’ve just delved into the entire college application process, and I’m so scared but at the same time fairly confident because of my good SAT score and ACT score. I’m slightly upset but my parents told me that they will not be allowing me to apply for my dream college, Cornell University because my grades are not up to par for them, and they think the application cost is too high.
I miss certain people a lot right now, but I think the biggest change has been the “temporary” drop of certain connections. Doesn’t it suck how what’s for best is never the easy or fun thing to do?
My hand is killing me… that’s all I can think of to post.
Bye.
Charlie Brown
Love,
S.
I’m in love. He knows I exist, but nothing has yet to happen. I got a class with him this year, but we don’t sit near each other, except for a stupid game we sometimes play, but I got voted off the game so I will no longer be sitting by him. We’re so similar, that it’s a tad freaky. He likes some girl, but I don’t have a clue about who it is, and I know it isn’t me. For a while I was able to give myself the confidence boost of believing that maybe it was be, but I can’t keep fooling myself. He’s cute, smart, funny, and chill, he could have ANY girl, so he wouldn’t settle for the ugly socially awkward creeper…
I hadn’t had any bad bouts of depression lately, but it hit me today like a ton of bricks. I thought that it might have something to do with the weather, but then I remembered that I love this dark rainy weather. I just wrote this poem today after school:
Hello there,
Long time no see
I can tell that you’ve been working out
Because you’re much stronger then before
Maybe it’s my fault
I allowed myself to forget the pain
I can never forget that I’m being punished
You’re no longer something to “overcome”
You’re something to “endure”
I feel that I must warn you,
My support system is growing
Your days are numbered
Your time is limited
I am trying to be stronger
Better
Truer
Calmer
I have cheerleaders and role models
They keep me on my new path.
I’m defined by many words
Girl.
Dork.
Comedian.
Lazy.
Smart.
Sarcastic.
Stubborn.
Determined.
Adventurous.
Loud.
Quiet.
Depression is not one of them
Long time no see
I can tell that you’ve been working out
Because you’re much stronger then before
Maybe it’s my fault
I allowed myself to forget the pain
I can never forget that I’m being punished
You’re no longer something to “overcome”
You’re something to “endure”
I feel that I must warn you,
My support system is growing
Your days are numbered
Your time is limited
I am trying to be stronger
Better
Truer
Calmer
I have cheerleaders and role models
They keep me on my new path.
I’m defined by many words
Girl.
Dork.
Comedian.
Lazy.
Smart.
Sarcastic.
Stubborn.
Determined.
Adventurous.
Loud.
Quiet.
Depression is not one of them
I think that’s the best way to describe my current view on my depression. It’s hard to explain but I think it comes across fairly well though that context.
Things are different. My sister has gone away to college. I’ve taken big steps in my relationship with God, as in joining Christian club and attending youth church on Tuesday nights. It’s weird having the apartment to myself more often. I usually nap, text, or do homework, but it’s still weird. I’ve visited my sister once since she went to college, apparently she joined an ultimate Frisbee team… She seems so happy but I miss her like crazy. I do text almost everyday thought, but it’s just not the same as having her home. I’ve just delved into the entire college application process, and I’m so scared but at the same time fairly confident because of my good SAT score and ACT score. I’m slightly upset but my parents told me that they will not be allowing me to apply for my dream college, Cornell University because my grades are not up to par for them, and they think the application cost is too high.
I miss certain people a lot right now, but I think the biggest change has been the “temporary” drop of certain connections. Doesn’t it suck how what’s for best is never the easy or fun thing to do?
My hand is killing me… that’s all I can think of to post.
Bye.
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
Charlie Brown
Love,
S.
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