Its more like being:
A Chocolate addict
A music addict
A Starbucks addict
A guitar addict
(my baby ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^)
A movie addict & A love addict (how corny is that?)
A sun chips addict
A Mexican food addict
A sushi addict
A procrastination addict
A journal writing addict
A Facebook addict
A hair straightener addict
A book addict (or is the correct term a book worm?)
A TV addict
And finally…
A picture taking addict.
I have a lot of addictions… but I’m pretty sure that they just add to all the things that make me unique. Ew. I hate the word unique because I think that in today’s society it’s used as a kind of buzz word that parents use to cover up that their kid is a freak. I don’t think I’m a freak. I know I can be a little… odd… but I’m not a freak. Besides, normal is just a point of view. No one person is normal. Everyone has their weird little addictions, their weird little ticks, their weird little thing about them that they can either embrace it, like how I am, or they can keep hiding. I’m so sick and tired of hiding things. I ready to just shove every single part about myself into he light of the day, but I probably won’t because no matter what I say, I know that I’d be scared out of my mind if my entire mental process and life experiences were laid out for everyone to see. This is a really weird thought, but I’m so thankful that humans do not have the power to read each others minds or I would never ever ever ever leave my room.
I think I’m going insane. I constantly think I heard people calling my name but when I look there is never anyone calling for me. Maybe my subconscious is telling me something, or maybe I’ve finally snapped… I hate my subconscious so I’d actually prefer if it was the latter of the choices.
Today I saw TBIL and I came close to just saying something but I held back because I am such a coward that it isn’t even remotely close to ever possibly being considered fairly funny. Am I exaggerating? NO! He thinks that I’m crazy. I don’t want to be known as the crazy girl, but I guess racing out of third period everyday so I can walk in front of him so her hears about whatever fake conversation me and Sarah have decided to make, could possibly be taken as crazy. But he doesn’t need to know that. UGH! All I want him to do is notice me and say hi, or talk to me on Facebook. I just want something, ANYTHING! But that never going to happen and I need to move on, but I don’t think I can. I like him way too ridiculously much. Wow… I’ve spent a little bit of every post talking about him. That’s obsessive.
I think there is a lot on my shoulders right now and I don’t think the sessions with Dr. Cena are really helping that much because we never have enough time to touch on that dark and haunting issue that looms over me like this endless rain cloud. Maybe this is God’s hint to me that perhaps I’m not meant for this life… Wow, that has to be the most emo and depressing thing I’ve ever thought. I need some cheer-me-up-chocolate.
- Ciao
P.S. Heroic Anthony
No comments:
Post a Comment