Plans

Plans, plans, and more plans! My life is now ruled by the constant plans that others are making for me. What classes am I taking next year? None that I planned out for myself. What am I doing this weekend? I’m going on a planned minute-by-minute trip to Arizona State University. What am I doing for the rest of my life? I don’t know but I have the feeling that someone else is planning it out for me. I wish I had a little more say in my own life, but maybe it’s only because I’m technically still a minor but even when I turn eighteen, will things really change? I have this feeling deep down that says it won’t. I think my subconscious is a down-right pessimist. Now that I’m talking about subconscious’s, am I the only one that really wants to believe that there is an itty bitty me that lives in my head that serves as my subconscious? I don’t think so. You know how in cartoons, people have a shoulder angel and devil, well I think I have that but instead of being on my shoulders, they are both in my head and they are in a constant heated battle. One is the super dgaf one that just wants to listen to music, eat, and sleep, and the other one is the obsessive, shy, manic depressive one that only wants to scream, cry, and flip out. I used to think I sided with the dgaf one the most but now I think it’s pretty evenly split. I stated talking about plans and ended up telling you about one of my crazy theories. Oh I should definitely write a blog entry soon where I just write about some of my weirder life theories.

I’ve been trying really hard lately to think about TBIL less but its much more difficult then I had previously thought because stupid things always remind me of him. I seem to see him everywhere now. I went from never seeing him to not being able to get away from him. He seems to be looking my direction a lot more then I think someone who doesn’t care about my existence would. He is such an odd specimen...

I’ve just realized that the music I play when I get home always reflects how I feel. I was actually pretty happy when I got home but feeling kind of frustrated at the world which I personally think matches perfectly with 3OH!3... I’m going to do something dumb, don’t judge me!

Song game (ya know, the one where you press shuffle and you write down whatever song comes us):

1) How are you feeling right now?

• Too Young by the Secret Handshake

2) How is tomorrow going to be for you?

• Behave Yourself by Booker T. and the MG’s (oh goodness...)

3) How do people view you?

• Beware! Cougar! by The Academy Is...

4) How will this year be for you?

• The Middle by Jimmy Eat World

5) How successful will you be after high school?

• Barbara Ann by The Regents (what does that mean??)

5) How rich will you be?

• Title and Registration by Death Cab for Cutie (another mysterious answer)

6) How will your love like be like this year?

• Memory by Sugarcult

7) What is your love like?

• Come Softly to Me by The Fleetwoods (no comment.)

8) What is your secret?

• Shake It by Metro Station

9) What is your mantra?

• You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid by The Offspring

10) What is your guilty pleasure?

• Time After Time by Quietdive

11) How do you want to be remembered 50 years from now?

• Ain’t Got No Home by Clarence “Frogman” Henry

12) Who are you?

• Scene Change by The White Tie Affair

13)...and why should we care?

• I Like It Like That by Chris Kenner

14) The definition of you.

• Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry

I think that also gives you an insight into the random stuff I listen to. Well I really should go and make my mother a birthday card. I really have no ideas on what to write or what the card should be like...

-bye

p.s. This Pete quote just made my day. I feel so much happier because, i don't know if it speaks to you, but its screaming out to me. It just seems so... true.