“whats this?”
“something for you.”
“is it from you?”
“no.”
“who is it from?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“uh… okay” I said before stuffing it into my backpack.
So my mind was far away thinking about a billion other things when suddenly I remembered about the envelope. So I decided to talk to my friend and ask him if he knew about the envelopes origin. I told him about the situation, while TBIL was at his locker, and I kept an eye on TBIL to see if he was listening to my conversation and I saw him remove a green folder from his locker and put it in his backpack, shuffle around in his backpack, and put the green folder back into the locker. Suspicious much? Yes. After TBIL left, I focused more on what my friend was saying and realized that he seemed to know who it was from. After failed attempts to pull the name from him, he left when Sarah came to my locker. I immediately told her and she seemed just as clueless as I was. I opened the envelope and saw inside were two CD’s and two pieces of paper. My current theory was that it was my ex boyfriend because he had been acting suspicious lately. I tried to forget about it for a while as I chatted with Sarah and her friend about going to her friend’s church tomorrow night. I finally parted from them and walked alone in silence down the two blocks to the car. These thoughts that were ranging from bad to extreme were running through my head, what if it was my ex-boyfriend telling me that he hated me, what if it was one of my best friends blasting me, what if it was a creeper that had video taped me changing and wanted to send the tape to me. I was on the verge of breaking down from stress before I even reached the car. Upon getting into the back seat of the car, I begin badgering my sister and telling her that she needs to tell me who gave it to her, or I might just have a mental breakdown right then and there. She finally blurted out who it was from. I sat motionless in the backseat. Was I hearing correctly? Did she really just say that it was her? Why did she want to talk to me? Had I some how made things even worse? Had I fucked up everything more then before? I was already mentally preparing myself for the worst. The entire drive home, I was dead silent. As soon as we parked in the driveway, I slowy got out of the car, walked to the computer room and put the DVD in the disk drive. I sat down and watched what lay in store for me.
It was without a doubt the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. She wrote a song called dear friend and she put it to a slideshow of all the pictures that we have taken over the years. I was crying, and for the first time in a very very long time, they weren’t tears of sorrow. When the song and slideshow ended, I became silent again. What am I supposed to do now? Does she even want me to do anything? All these questions are flying around my head and I have no clue what to do. I have homework and I’m going out to dinner with some family friends tonight, so I can’t stay here and collect my thoughts. Maybe I’ll take my notebook with me and just write what comes to my head.
I guess I’ll keep you updated on what unravels. Oh and a quick question to the follower guy (I only have one, so you know who you are…) do I know you? I mean, its totally cool if I don’t know you but I just want to make sure that I’m not telling my personal stuff to someone who actually knows who these people are that I’m talking about.
But anyways... places to go, people to see, things to think, and calming breaths to breathe.
This is the happy place that I escape to in my mind. You really should come visit when ever you have the time. There isn't candy, rainbows, or any of that stuff. It's almost like the real world, just minus the hate and... everybody else. In my happy place, I’m usually by myself, just sitting under the many trees. You're welcome to come and take a seat in the shade next to me. Bring your favorite book because nothing beats the comfortable silence that fills my happy place when I read a wonderful book. When I need to collect my thoughts, I take a notebook with me to the happy place and that comfortable silence is filled with the quaint sound of pen scratching ink onto paper. Your welcome to gave a notebook and share some of your writings with me under the trees that shade me from so much more then the sun. Sometimes when I need to calm down, I take nothing with me to the quiet place, and the comfortable silence is once again in place and I stare out into the jungle and just think about how much greater all that creation is then I. You are welcome to come and relax with me under these great protectors that have an age beyond that of numbers. Next time I take a trip to my happy place, I’ll be sitting and hoping that I will see you coming out of the flora and perch next to me. We don't need to talk. We don't need to fill the silence because ultimately- it’s the lack of any sound that draws me to it. We don't need to set a time for when we arrive or when we leave because in the happy place, time is useless. No wants exist in the happy place beyond the want to never leave. No needs exist in the happy place because what more could be of want in a place of pure perfection? So next time you feel the need to escape to a place where you can find solace, peace, love, and creativity, come visit me in the happy place. Even if I’m not there, my happy place is always open to you as a sanctuary from life. My happy place does change, but only because I have changed. I love my happy place because it is me. It is the me I was. It is the me I am. It is the me I will be. It is the me I hope to be. I wish I could live in the happy place...
okay, I'm serious this time.
bye.
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